Lost Husband in Fresh Flower Shop

🚨 LOST HUSBAND 🚨

In the spirit of lost husbands—I've lost mine again. This time, in a fresh flower shop. (He knows I prefer preservedforyou.com.au, but here we are.)

Name: Dave (answers to "Babe," the clink of a beer bottle, and the phrase, "I thought you'd appreciate the thought!").

Last Seen: Pushing the shop door open, determined to make a grand romantic gesture... and probably regretting it already.

Packed: 1 wallet, zero common sense, and definitely not his phone to order from preservedforyou.com.au.
Grabbed: A tiny sachet of flower food he'll inevitably forget to use.

Holding: A drooping bunch of something that looked better on the shelf, already asking, "How much water does this thing even need?"

Description:

• Often found sniffing flowers with a perplexed expression, as if trying to detect the expiration date.
• May be overheard asking the sales assistant, "So, these don't last forever then, huh?" (Bless his heart.)
• Known to gently prod a petal, then look around nervously as if he's broken it.
• Has cornered at least two other shoppers to ask, "Why didn't I just buy her those long-lasting ones she loves from online?"

Warning Signs:

• If he mentions "daily watering," he's clearly overwhelmed and regretting his decision to go fresh.
• Do NOT mention the words "wilting" or "short lifespan" unless you want to witness a grown man have an existential crisis over a bunch of daisies.
• If he's found near the "Care Instructions" section, he's probably trying to figure out how to make a fresh rose last four years. Bless him.

If Found: Please return him to me—his wife—still waiting patiently in the car, shaking my head and probably already ordering myself a beautiful, preserved bouquet from www.preservedforyou.com.au.